The Mourning

I mourn for the childless.
I mourn for the parent-less infants.
I mourn for the ones who can't see a marmalade sunset.
I mourn for the ones who can't hear the sound of laughter, or a musical composition.
I mourn for the women who feel inferior to their male partners.
I mourn for the men who overshadow their hearts with their egos.
I rejoice in those who make bold choices and never back down.
I rejoice in someone who can admit fault and laugh at themselves and cry for themselves.
I rejoice in knowing I have loved and been loved in return.
I rejoice in knowing I learned how to trust others.
I rejoice in having hope for better days and believing in someone other than myself.
I rejoice in living long enough to travel to different countries and experience something new almost every day.
But I morn that I haven't let go yet.
I mourn that I have anger cemented around my heart.
I morn for how hard I have made it to let people love me and surround myself around those who are deserving of it.
I morn for the me 10 years from now that may still be stuck in the same spot.

Guide me, I am yours.

And Then There Was Goodbye

I can't formulate a single concrete thought. I am pressured to feel one single emotion, and I am flooded with the salty ocean. It was my decision to cut you from my life, to cut the umbilical cord that traveled from my heart to your soul. You could no longer fill my lungs and my life with your love, with your sweet smile and tender voice. I was, for once, giddy to come home to just me. To cook a meal and laugh alone, hearing it echo against the wood floors. I came and went as I pleased, I answered to no one. I foolishly became aware that the world was so much bigger than me, than you, than this.

And then there was a message. A message that traveled from ones mouth to my ear. And then there were tears. I was single and I was strong and I was ready. Ready for change, ready for movement, ready to look into someone else's eyes and say I love you. But there was a message. I found out you were leaving. And then I knew past the horizon, past the furthest mark that I could see, would lie the mourning.

I saw you. It was everything I didn't think it would be. You were different but still the same, and so was I. Too much happened that night. And I am left with a heavy bag of cotton. I wasn't supposed to cry. You weren't supposed to kiss my head and ask to hug me and then not let go. Some loves just never die. This moment will stitch the cut that severed our relationship. But for right now, this moment has left blood all over the floor. What a mess.